Perhaps the biggest lie that we place ourselves into is “I am not enough.”

Our father left us when I was two-year-old, I am the youngest of 5 children. All my life I wondered If I was the reason he left. Am I not lovable enough? If my own biological father could leave me, does it mean other people can willingly and consciously choose to leave as well? 

In my years of reflection, I finally understood – yes people can choose and consciously leave but it has nothing to do with me.  In the same way I can consciously choose to leave a situation or environment that doesn’t help me grow – whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a community. Because growing saves me. Growing means continuing my life journey with all the things that I want to have, learn, share, care, and love.

To fill the gap of “not being enough” we tend to live a life of someone else. To fake our purpose, values, passion, and compromise everything… just to belong.

When we are wrap ourselves with insecurities, fear, doubts, we come up with an idea of “I wish I was somebody else.”  Why? Because we think those people who show perfect lives are living the perfect life. We tend to think that most people are better than us – in reality, we all are in this life journey to learn, everyone have different set of learning, everyone is unique, and no one is free from insecurities, fear, doubts. We all start from a starting point where we feel scared, and each breakthrough leads to learning and growth. 

This is a confession, I find this woman who for me lives a perfect life – beautiful complete family, traveling, fashion, amazing network, financial freedom. That’s something that I am working on for life and she already have it! 

Wait! 

  • Am I not happy with what I have now? I am – I have a beautiful family of my own. True I don’t have a partner, but we (I and my kids) are just fine, we are all healthy, our house is filled with love, care, and laughter. 
  • We don’t travel as much, but we are fine on our own, snuggling each other while watching movies.
  • My fashion statement is not that bad. Do you agree?
  • I love my small community, I have loving, trustworthy and amazing friends.
  • Financial freedom – how do we define this? Earning more while working less? How about happiness in what I do? How about a healthy body that is not stressed out? How about having more time to do what I want? How about focusing on my projects?

Because of my learning and growth, I feel blessed for the things that I have now, and I blessed her. I don’t know everything about her, but I am sure she is just as happy as I am.

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for having an outrageously perfect lifestyle and wish

 

we could trade places with them. There are other people who look at us and think the same, by the way. Because the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Until we place it under a microscope. We suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, and if we are not conscious enough, this will lead to desperation.  It’s okay to acknowledge these gaps for us to be able to assess what is our next move. I hope you agree with me that no one among us is perfect, however we can always choose and push ourselves to grow – to live the life we want.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, better life, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Learning, growth and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect, and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

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—– By JEAN PAEL